Teacher Pat

what does it mean to live? somehow that question just popped into my head this afternoon as i attended the necrological service for teacher pat magno-abanto. as i listened to her former students recount their experiences and fond memories of her.. as i watched a number of people wiping away tears.. i stood there at the hot, humid 3-6 bulwagan, transfixed. i meant to stay only for a couple of minutes.. but found myself unable to - not because of anything else - but because suddenly i was aware of all the thoughts and emotions this simple service brought about in me.

teacher pat was my teacher in kindergarten. truth be told, i don't remember much about her - or my kindergarten days. i only know that she was one of my teachers whom i felt comfortable with. i liked her smile. i liked her voice.. even though at first she seemed "mataray." i liked the way she'd say hi to me. i liked the way she made me feel important then.

long years passed. i moved on to elementary, high school, college and then back to my alma mater to teach. i saw teacher pat once more. i heard she was a cancer survivor.. but that she'd started feeling sick again. there were physical signs of the disease.. in the way she moved, how she held her arm.. but whenever i watched her, the weaknesses and infirmities never registered longer than a few seconds. each time i looked at her, all i could see and feel was her energy. her enthusiasm. her drive. her passion for life.

for 17 long years, teacher pat battled with her cancer. one would probably think that she was someone to be pitied because of all the suffering she endured. but as i stood alone at the service, listening to all the wonderful stories people had about how a simple teacher touched their lives, i realized something. teacher pat was not someone to be pitied. she was someone to be admired. and possibly emulated. her disease only served to bring out more poignantly the inner beauty she possessed. her hard work, words of encouragement and simple dedication to her students, friends and family.. these were turned into remarkable feats of courage. in spite of all the pain she suffered, teacher pat had time, energy and compassion for others.

i cherish my memories of my kindergarten teacher. i know she taught me well in my early years. but i guess the best lessons teacher pat ever taught me are the ones she gave me today: stop complaining. love what you do. perform simple acts of kindness. listen to others. learn to see the silver lining behind the clouds. be grateful for even the smallest things. trust in God. live to the fullest.

i will miss you teacher pat. thank you for everything..

for HONEY

i love flowers. i really do. i love the smell of roses. and i also like the way those florists arrange the pretty bouquet. not to mention all the envious looks from other girls.

but what i enjoy most of all.. is the look on your face as you give the bouquet to me. i know it's not just flowers you're giving.. but your love.

i enjoy dining out. i like trying out new restaurants. the pleasant aroma of gourmet foods. and of course the delicious taste of a specially-prepared meal.

but what i'd remember most of all.. is how we'd pray together before the meal, and the way we talk so easily to each other.



i like movies too. i enjoy the sensation of watching on the big screen. the nice, comfortable chairs. the dark theater and great sounds. oh.. and the airconditioning too Ü

but i most enjoyed the way we laughed together while watching.. and how you always wanted to hold my hand.

i really look forward to getting cards. i take pleasure in reading every line of poetry. and i like the pretty pictures on the cover, too.

but what i really look for are the words written by you. it never fails to put a smile on my face.. when you say how much you care.. and how much you enjoy being with me.

i like to have my picture taken. well, sometimes, that is. and definitely when i'm looking more or less ok. i enjoy studio pictures 'coz they make me look better (most of the time).

but the best pictures are the ones that are taken with you. it doesn't matter so much whether i look ok or not. when you're with me.. when we're together.. somehow we just look.. RIGHT Ü

HAPPY 4th ANNIVERSARY Ü

Year IV

what makes anniversaries such special occasions? for me, it's a chance to celebrate.. not just 'coz it's a red-letter day.. but because another 365 days have passed wherein i and my partner managed to stay together - in spite of many trials, i may say.

today we celebrated our 4th year together Ü this was our best anniversary ever. why? hmm.. let's see.. there were flowers.. a card with a long love note.. some cake.. a nice lunch.. then a movie.. pictures.. followed by dinner.. new rings.. lots of laughs.. *sigh* what more can you ask for?! but it's really not those things that made the day complete. i suppose it's the realization that after a long, hard year of busy skeds, finacial constraints, stressful moments at work/school, etc.. we survived! we managed to hang on to each other through tough times.. learning new things, growing up and maturing. it's nice to know that we still have the resources and the enthusiasm to really celebrate and value moments of togetherness. Ü

i guess the next 364 days may bring along both good and not-so-good experiences along with them. nevertheless, i am looking forward to Year V Ü flowers or no flowers.. heck, we can probably scrap the dinner and all those other stuff.. but i know i'll still cherish anniversaries for the special occasions they are Ü

with you

we studied this song last week. i just love the words.. Ü

WITH YOU

my days are brighter than morning air
evergreen pines and autumn blue
but all my days were twice as fair
if i could share my days with you

my nights are warmer than fire coals
incense and stars and smoke bamboo
but nights were warm beyond compare
if i could share my nights with you

to dance in my dreams
to shine when i need the sun
with you... to hold me when dreams are done
and oh, my dearest love
if you will take my love
then all my dreams are truly begun

and time weaves ribbons of memory
to sweeten life when youth is through
but i will need no mem'ries there
if i could share my life with you

Week 1

the first (complete) week of UPIS classes just passed by. no, wait... it ZIPPED by! i can't recall ever going through a week so quickly. hmm, i suppose that's a good thing... or not really. i'm not really sure, hehe.

i have to admit, though, that the start of this schoolyear still finds me quite disoriented. it isn't so much the lesson planning (haha, yeah right!) or the checking of papers that gets to me. rather, it is that feeling of unfamiliarity with everything around me - even though i've been in the same building for the past 8 years (longer - if i count my high school days there). no, the physical environment is quite the same (though there have been lots of renovation done)... but i find myself looking for familiar faces that all of a sudden are no longer there.

take, for example, the first day of classes this schoolyear - 02 june. i was about to park in my usual parking space (near the older building) when the guard stopped me. he was new.. so i guess he didn't know i was a teacher. then, i was quite shaken when, during the flag ceremony, i looked around at the students and saw a sea of faces i totally did not recognize. the recording of the national anthem blared over the speakers. it wasn't the one we used before. hmm. i went up to my table at the faculty room. i instinctively turned to chat with my "table-mate," ma'am cyrene (whose last name is no longer caspe, i may add)... until i remembered that she's now assigned to the elementary. great. i went to my first class. it was the same room i've used the past 4 years (that darned room133 with the punched wall and overly-bright windows).. but i did not know my students.. most of them i have never taught before. by lunchtime i took my usual walk around the school grounds, half-expecting to run into my usual companions... until it dawned on me that they've all graduated. haha. everything was exactly as it was. but everything was different, too. it was extremely disorienting. unnerving.

i guess i ought to be used to this by now. one of the drawbacks of being a teacher is that time seems to behave quite differently for us - or for me, at least. you get the perception that everything is the same (actually, that's partly true - coz you teach at the same school for years and years). but all around you, the world moves with blinding speed... and nothing really stays the same. every year, you encounter a new set of faces. you teach.. you learn.. you connect with people.. you let go of friends. there's a sense of dying and rebirth. of pain and of joy.

ok, ok.. so i guess it isn't such a drawback, after all :)

sunshine

SUNSHINE
you are the sunshine
that filters through my window
to greet me each waking day
to warm my heart with the promise
of light to guide my way

you are the gentle wind
that caresses my face
and breathes new life to me
as i toil through the day
that passes by so quickly

you are the gentle rain
refreshing and cool
that washes away the sorrow
the hurt, the pain
and the fear of tomorrow

you are the moonlight
dispeling the darkness
and placing a glow so deep
inside of me
each night before i sleep

you are my star
my sole inspiration
that shines high above
the night sky
giving meaning to love
giving meaning to life

amazing love

our new album is out at last! :) naturally, i like all the songs in it (the product of blood, sweat and tears hehe). my favorite, though, still remains to be the most memorable song we recorded - the one that took us more than 4 hours to finish... our carrier single, "amazing love" :)

its words are simple.. the melody, heart-felt. i'm glad this song came our way (thanx so much to lyricist nancy and composer rannie - they truly are gifts to our community). enough said. here it is, *our* song..

AMAZING LOVE
true happiness, you've poured in me
you've freed my mind from misery
lord i'm amazed just how much love you gave to me

so teach me lord to worship you
adore and exalt you
'coz all i want is to praise you all of my days

amazing love you've given me
amazing joy, you've set me free
amazing ways, amazing days
amazing grace for me to take
allow me lord to praise you for the rest of my days

you've freed my mind, my heart and soul
you've changed this heart, you've made me whole
lord i'm amazed.. now i am yours, my lord

amazing love you've given me
amazing joy, you've set me free
amazing ways, amazing days
amazing grace for me to take
allow me lord to praise you for the rest of my days
amazing love

amazing love you've given me
amazing joy, you've set me free
amazing ways, amazing days
amazing grace for me to take
you've changed this heart, you've made me whole
yes i'm amazed.. now i am yours
allow me lord to praise you for the rest of my days
amazing love!

happy day :)

i'm happy today :) it's been a long time since i last smiled inside.. and it feels quite good :)

for the first time ever, honey slept over :) he came to our "despedida" party for my uncle and aunt.. he helped with the chores.. kept me company.. cheered me up whenever i felt irritated.. took care of me when i started feeling tired.. stayed up 'til 1am just to help us finish cleaning up. no complaints.. no frowns, even though we were both tired and sleepy. simple things that mean so much.

i guess this was just what i needed to break the longest stretch of "blue" i've ever had. i'm really grateful for someone who (apart from my family) makes me feel very special.. important.. loved.

sometimes the greatest blessings come at the most unexpected moments :)